Has it really been 6 years ago today since we learned our little Chiara was not to be held in our arms on this earth? My emotions were already running high this week, especially because I recently learned that my dearest friend has just lost her own little tiny girl, Claire. I've found myself irritable and restless over the last few days... sad for my friend, missing my own child, and wishing that this never had to happen to anyone. Then I somehow came across this video...
The mom who wrote the song is the one in the video - she learned that her daughter would not survive long after birth, even if she made it that far... and so she carried her almost to full-term, before giving birth via c-section and enjoying a precious 2 1/2 hours with her dear daughter before the baby's heart stopped. Anyway... in some strange, bittersweet, heart-wrenching way... this was exactly what I needed to see today. I cried for an hour... tears that somehow, eventually, seemed to heal a little hidden piece of my heart that was hurting so much, and just needed to be brought to the surface and dealt with upfront. I'm too emotionally and physically drained right now to put the whole thing into words... but it was a very powerful, bittersweet time of both grief and healing for me.
So, so many mothers and families have experienced the pain of losing a child... and yet, here is a beautiful example of life... a life oh-so-short, but one which reminds us all that each and every person is a precious, irreplacable gift.......... and the honor of being a mother to an "angel baby" - even one who will never be held in our arms on this earth - is still a gift and a privilege nonetheless. Sometimes it takes a long time to see that... but that motherhood is something that no one and nothing can ever take away...
Chiara, what I would give to hold you in my arms........ and yet, I have carried you under my heart... where a little part of you will always be. I am honored to be your mommy, and I can't wait to meet you in the arms of Our Savior someday. Pray for us, little one... that we be strong in this life, so we can enjoy eternal bliss with you in the next.... We love you, dear baby.
