"Him," of course, was my husband, to whom her husband was happily handing over the reins as a company commander in 10th Mountain Division's Headquarters and Headquarters Battalion (HHBN). Our next meeting was at our husbands' change of command ceremony, and she looked so relieved that it was over - that her husband had handed over the guidon, and that SHE was handing over the reins, so to speak, of being the commander's wife. At the battalion Christmas party, every other company commander's wife said the same thing to me, while greeting me with a look of understanding and camaraderie: "He's never going to be home. You are never going to see him."
Thanks, ladies. I get the picture.
And "get it," I did. That Christmas party - the mandatory time with "800 of your best friends," as they say - was the first time we'd been able to have dinner together since he'd taken command. It took a mandatory dinner/party, and the need to hire a babysitter, for him to actually get out of work before the kids were in bed, let alone eat dinner. Together. Sure, it was full of the usual military get-together formalities, but it was finally some time with each other.
Those chances have been few and far between over the past year. Even when he wasn't running field exercises or training events, or overseeing middle-of-the-night arms room stuff, or being called in to deal with family crises, or having soldiers in trouble with the MPs, or domestic disputes he had to handle over holidays, or - well, you get the idea - there was always a "something" (usually, a great many "somethings") that kept him at work, heading in before early morning PT and staying in usually until way past bedtime. 14-16 hour days were normal, 20+ rather frequent. That's what happens, I guess, when your particular company has to be involved - in one way or another - with basically every event, exercise, etc. of an entire division of 18,000 troops. There's a lot of physical training and other heavy-duty exercises that go into leading a company in a light infantry division, and he did the job well... but I think all the physical and hands-on requirements were cake compared to the endless paperwork, training meetings, paperwork, counseling sessions, paperwork, meetings at division, paperwork, phone calls, paperwork, meetings with the LTC, paperwork... Perhaps you see the overwhelming theme here. ;) I lost track of the number of nights I'd hear from him around 7 or 8pm, saying he was "just finishing up and would be home soon," and then something would come up and he'd have to stay another few hours anyway.
Time with Daddy became super-precious, and I made an attempt to get photos of it whenever it happened. :) For example, here's a pic I took in January when I let 15-month-old Johnny finally have a chance to see Daddy - it's just before 11pm, Daddy had just gotten home after being at work since 1am... and he's still working on emails. 22 hours and still going strong, baby - and ready to literally hit the ground running about 5 hours later, at 20 below zero F. Crazy stuff. But this late-night time with Dad made Johnny's night!! :) Every moment was so important... especially since we thought he'd be deploying within the year... and I wanted to make every moment and every memory count.
So with that, and adding a difficult pregnancy and complicated delivery/postpartum time for baby #5 to this mix (we found out we were pregnant last year on the very day he found out he was getting command, and that he'd be leaving in a few days for Massachusetts for a month first!) it's been a heck of a year. There were plenty of times when I wondered - especially when we thought he'd be deploying this winter - if it could ever really, truly be over. It just didn't seem possible!
But - this year of command is almost over. Almost. 2 days now. 45.5 hours, actually. What?! We did it! We've actually made it to the end of the road! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FAMILY TIME! We will be able to eat dinners together. Daddy will be around in the evenings to help out with sports practices, ballet lessons, bath time, and tucking the kids into bed... all the things I did on my own every day, every night. I almost... can't believe it. It doesn't seem possible. This is an AMAZING feeling.
It's also a really strange feeling.
See, we're not just done with command in a few days. In less than a month, we'll be done with the Army for good... and that is a bittersweet feeling for sure. It was the toughest decision to make - to be done with the Army, to give up retirement, to take our chances in the unknown civilian world - but we also knew it was the right decision. No more deployments, TDYs, and the host of other things that present unique challenges and hardship to military families... and we are so grateful that they will be only in our past from now on. Yet, we're also giving up a life that is the only life we've known since before we were married, and something that my husband both loves and is really, really good at doing. Those complicated, bittersweet feelings are many, but for now, I just want to be grateful that we have come to this final week of command and are still in one piece. :)
Has it been crazy? Yes. It was physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging on the entire family. Has it been worth it?
... I think it has been.
We're all stronger because of it. We've seen so many sides of military life now, from being a junior enlisted family to a commander's family, and can appreciate the unique challenges of both those ends of the spectrum, and everything in between. Military families, like other families who sacrifice a lot or even everything, for "the greater good," know the importance of each memory together because that time as a family can be gone in an instant, at a moment's notice... perhaps forever. This particular job was a constant reminder of that, especially as the unit has been preparing to deploy again. The kids cherish time with Dad more than ever before. They have a greater appreciation for the discipline of our soldiers, are proud of their daddy, and want to be like him. They love "spying" on what he does, when possible, or seeing cool photos of him at the range or at training sites. But they were positively glowing when they told me that Daddy didn't want to miss them growing up, and that it was one of the reasons he was getting out.
As always, and perhaps even more than ever, he has taught them the value of hard work AND how to let your family know that you will always put them first... even when that means tough decisions and giving up something you love so much, to take care of the "someones" you love so much more. He really is their hero, in so many ways.
Just ask our oldest son, who will be 10 in a week. On Halloween, he asked for my old BDU top (since it fits him better) and Daddy's old soft cap, because he wanted to be Daddy for Halloween.
Again. :)
Deo gratias.
