This miracle hasn't come without it's challenges, for sure. All of my previous pregnancies entailed a lot of pain and very tough times - each time, we'd think, "This is going to be the last time I can do this... let's adopt!" A connective tissue disorder, fibromylagia, and other painful physical challenges meant that my hips and other joints would try to dislocate at the very slightest of movement (as in, simple tensing of the leg muscles - let alone trying to move anything) and the truly racking pain was often more than I thought I could bear. Meanwhile, the slightest touch would cause a bad bruising feeling, even if there was no bruise. When actual dislocations fully happened, I was usually alone with the kids and had to get the joint into the socket by myself. Holy....... pain. (I DID try to offer it up, so - I guess that phrase would be appropriate. ;) ) Anyway, the constant, excruciating pain meant I was unable to care for house or kids as they needed... often unable to move in the slightest, sleep, or do anything else without great difficulty. So this time, while I was thrilled about a new baby, I was also apprehensive about the challenges I knew would come to our family while I was pregnant.
As it turned out, this pregnancy brought its own new difficulties, which I could not have foreseen. After two months of pretty much constant sickness, I hoped I'd be able to get off the couch more often and start taking care of the kids and house again, albeit slowly due to my joints. Unfortunately, while on the way to my great-uncle's funeral in early March, my womb completely prolapsed. This unforeseen complication - which soon led to complete pelvic organ prolapse - meant another 2 months of basically total bedrest, and lots of pain and discomfort (honestly, never being able to empty my bladder more than a tiny bit was the most stressful part of that whole time. I'd never fully appreciated the ability to pee before. ;) ) Almost as stressful was simply the fact that I still couldn't take care of my other 3 children, clean up messes, make meals, put away laundry, or do... pretty much anything. Depression really started to set in, and I thought I'd never make it to September! Thanks be to God, the prolapse issues really began to resolve around Eastertime and the scariest part of this pregnancy was finally over. :)
The month of May still found me mostly on the couch, though, due to other pelvic and abdominal problems (not as serious as prolapse, however). The intense pain was akin to the pain of the time in labor when one is moving between early labor and transition... I broke out in hot and cold sweats, had to use every bit of energy just to breathe and not cry out, etc. These episodes could last for hours at a time and happened every day, and every time I tried to sit up I would trigger another episode. The Lord was truly testing my patience and strength... while I don't know how I ultimately fared in the test, I was proud of my kids for sure! Timmy kept up with the dishes and laundry to the best of his ability - he'd had a lot of practice over the previous months. ;) The other two kiddos did their best to help out, and tried not to complain too much. They would bring me water "because the baby is making your tummy hurt" and knew that it wasn't my fault that I (still) couldn't take care of them. Oh yes, they all had their moments, and it was an extremely tough time for all of us. I still felt very alone and depressed that I was not the wife and mother I needed/wanted to be, and the walls of this house had never felt so oppressive. But I think it also helped them grow in responsibility and patience, and - I hope - ultimately brought us all closer together, learning to depend on each other more and adapt more easily to tough situations.
My husband was, of course, my rock through all of this! Each long, long day, I lived for the moment he'd walk in the door and just be there to tell me things would get better someday. But when he had to spend a week in North Carolina, my sister-in-law and her kids - and my newly graduated sister - made the trip to come help out. Two weeks later, another one of my sisters came up to help once again while Tim had to be in San Antonio. On a few occasions, my husband's sister - though hours away herself - made and sent several meals for our freezer, and when my mom came up for a weekend visit in April, she brought a week's worth of dinners from my sister and brother-in-law's family in CT. Since we'd lived mostly on eggs, cereal, and sandwiches, these dinners were a true God-send! :) At the end of May is the feast of the Visitation, when Our Lady made the journey to help her pregnant cousin Elizabeth. This year I appreciated that feast - and the sacrifice of my sisters and family members - more than ever. I only hope I can be that selfless and giving when I know of someone in a similar circumstance.....
The wonderful news is - after 5 months of this craziness, June brought with it blessed relief from many of my symptoms! My homeopath has me taking a whole arsenal of remedies which are finally reducing the frequency and intensity of my pain episodes. Yes, they'll still happen... and yes, I'll still have trouble with my legs not being able to support me or causing pain, especially if I've overdone it. I'll still occasionally fall into things when a leg gives out, and often have pain from my previously fractured tailbone. I still have the normal discomforts of the 3rd trimester - getting bruised from all those powerful baby kicks, having a hard time breathing, sleeping, etc. But compared to my other pregnancies, I feel so much better!! I'm hardly spending any time on the couch, and usually can walk for a good 10 or 15 minutes before I start to feel a lot of pain. I can sit outside, water the flowers, make dinner... even walk around Sam's Club! (with Tim pushing the cart, LOL. :) )
And when things get too tough, my husband has been a great support... literally and figuratively. He's a good crutch when my legs can't hold me up, and is very patient with helping me move from room to room or up the stairs when they aren't working right. :) For as challenging as the first almost-2/3rds of this pregnancy was, mentally and physically, I can now see us growing even closer together as a couple and I am really, truly happy about the way things are unfolding. :)
God works in very mysterious ways, and we may never know the reason why He allows us to suffer so much sometimes.... or at least, we won't know until Heaven. But whatever His reasons were this time, I am glad to see my family growing closer together, and we all are eagerly awaiting the birth of this most precious, beautiful gift of our newest baby... a child for whom we've all already sacrificed so much, but for whom the sacrifice of love has been absolutely, completely worth it. I love you, Baby, and I can't wait to meet you in September! :)
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| Preborn baby at 32 weeks, just where we'll be at tomorrow :) Approximately 4 lbs; 17 inches long |
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